For three days, especially until yesterday evening, I have been in a dreadful state with abominable temptations. I fight and I say: Lord, let me die a thousand million times: slice, cut my body in little pieces, or deliver me from these things that I abhor, or give me the grace to triumph.
Then temptations against faith come to me. And I say: How can I doubt after all that I have seen and heard? And I cry out: Yes, I believe, my God!… And something tells me: Yes, there is a God, I believe it, but there are no sacraments… I fight and I say: Why doubt? The Lord has shown me so many things!…. And the temptation says to me: Bah! you saw it in your sleep, it isn’t real. And I say: How can it be in my sleep since so many things have come true? Lord, deliver me or give me the grace to triumph over Satan because I can’t take it anymore!… I felt something like a fever of temptation that devoured me; nothing could distract me.
Saint Mary of Jesus Crucified
Prières et Cantiques, cahier 10
Translation from the French text is the blogger’s own work product and may not be reproduced without permission.
Featured image: The Temptation of St Anthony is an oil on panel executed between 1530 and 1600, copied after the work by Jheronimus Bosch. This image in the public domain comes to us from the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam. We have presented a detail of the artwork; you can explore the painting and more on the museum website.